Medieval Seneschal

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This version sourced from The Mangy Mongol songbook, page 67, AS XLIII.

Tune: I am the very Model of a Modern Major General

Lyrics

I am the very model of a medieval Seneschal
I've information marshallate, heraldic and monarchical;
I know the Kings of Atenveldt in order alphabetical;
I've edited a monograph on armour theoretical.

I've memorized the order of the Ansteorran precedence
And all of the addresses of the monarchs' former residence.
Upon the Kingdom chronicles I am a living indices...
And for Kingdom publications I check everything the printer sees!

My cumulative knowledge of the Ansteorran history
Is easily recitable and thoroughly a whiz for me
In short, in matters marshallate, heraldic and monarchial
I am the very model of a medieval Seneschal.

My armorial device has over twenty-seven quarterings,
From fimbriated dragons to eleven types of mortaring,
I demonstrate my expertise on heraldry and loyalty,
By blazoning the arms of all the members of the royalty.

My great familiarity with fighting in Society,
Is predicated by my own desire for variety
I fought in demonstrations, in the Crown and in the Coronet...
And with all of my experience I haven't found it boring yet!

I participate in melees and heraldic congregations
With a fervor one would only see in sexual relations
But I say in matters marshallate, heraldic and monarchical
I am the very model of a medieval Seneschal.

Though I understand the duties of the other major offices
As seneschal, I should be relegated to the novices.
Although my past experience is varied and renumeral,
I doubt that I could autocrat a dead canary's funeral!

The shire that I serve has started falling into disrepair
I cannot keep the populace from disappearing everywhere
The herald lost his voice from telling me to take my last repose...
And the marshall took my senechallate key and jammed it up my nose!

My administrative skills are rivalled only by Caligula
The royal board of inquiry declared the books irregular
But still in matters marshallate, heraldic and monarchical
I am the very model of a medieval Seneschal.