The Good Ship Venus

This version sourced from The Mangy Mongol songbook, page 90, AS XLIII.

Lyrics

'Twas on the good ship Venus,
You really should have seen us,
With a figurehead of a whore in bed,
And our mast was a giant penis.

Friggin' in the riggin',
Wanking on the planking,
Rossing in the crossing,
'Cos there's fuck all else to do.

The cabin boy was chipper,
By Christ he was a ripper.
He stuffed his ass with broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain of the lugger,
He was a filthy bugger,
Declared unfit to shovel shit,
From one place to another.

The first mate's name was Morgan,
By gosh, he was a gorgon,
From half past eight he played till late,
Upon the captain's organ.

The captain's wife was Charlotte,
Born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.

The captain's daughter, Mabel,
Whenever she was able,
Would fornicate with the second mate,
Upon the chartroom table.

The ship's dog's name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground that faithful hound,
from Teneriff to Dover.

And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sank, in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.