The One True Carrot

The One True Carrot

The One True Carrot is a mascot and relic of the College of St Ursula. The legend came into being one Rowany Festival, and since then the story has grown in magnificence, becoming more exaggerated with each retelling. Members of St Ursula show their allegiance to the carrot through eating carrots, wearing plush carrots through their belt, and other such carrot-related shenanigans.

The College of Blessed Herman the Cripple, the long-time rival of St Ursula, is known to have a banner depicting a goat inpaling a carrot on a spear.

In A.S.56, at Rowany Festival, an Ursulan purchased a Hermanite fencer for the fighter auction tourney, and had them wear a bandolier of carrots held together by fibre tape for the duration of the tournament.

The Legend of the One True Carrot

This is the full and properly embellished story as told by Matthijs van der Horst in the newly founded SCA Colleges Network server on the 28/11/2024, in order to bring the story to our international bretheren.

"Alright gather round and pray heed to the tale. Our college historians have delved the archives and chased down leads of hearsay to trace this true account back to the dim dark era in the early days of Lochacian colleges - way back around AS XXVII (1993).

The College of Saint Ursula, the first and greatest of Lochacian colleges, routinely takes on the mantle of caring for the other fledgling colleges. At the largest kingdom event - Rowany Festival - we are known to host the other college groups as they converge on our parent barony.

I'm not sure how wars/camping events are run in your kingdom(s), but for this one each group camping together traditionally organises it's own food as a small collective. The Ursulans had most of this all sorted - main meals and cooking equipment and such had all been sorted and transported and set up with nary a hitch. All that remained was for a few extra bits and pieces to pad out the menu. Easy enough, right?

So. The great and glorious college leadership at the time did send a missive to each of the carriages in their fleet, transporting collegians from the city to the camp. It was a few hours drive outside of Sydney, and so most people were car pooling. Each car was asked to grab and bring along an extra something to eat. Being uni students, well versed in the art of leaving everything till the night before, many of them set out with nothing in hand - "we will grab something on the way, we've got a $10 budget (a more significant amount in yon times), we'll just pick some up when we stop."

Very reasonable, on all accounts. Now, still being uni students, they were wily with gold and knew to make it go a long way. Nobody wanted to be the car that squandered their $10, so their eyes were sharp for a deal.

Lo, behold, on that route from city to site, by the side of the road not far into their journey lay the stall of an enterprising farmer. There were many fine examples of fresh produce on display, and many a hearty option, being the height of autumn. The first college vehicle to pass pulls up and gauges the options. Plenty of choice, but one stood out - an extra large market bag of carrots. Serendipitously, for $10. What a deal. A large sack. A catering quantity. They would walk into camp lauded as thrifty and wise, bringing tasty nutrition at such incredible value. They handed over their $10 and bundled these carrots into the car and set off on their way.

On to the second vehicle, leaving town not far behind them. Lo and behold, what do they find by the side of the road, but a harvest stall with all manner of bounteous produce. Many good deals, but what's this? An enormous sack of carrots for precisely the budget we were allocated? Almost too good to be true. Surely no other car will attain a deal comparable to this. Surely those other fools did their shopping early and paid high prices for worse food in lower quantities. Those buffoons.

But alas dear reader. None of them had gone to the supermarket. Every single car charged with this mission was swayed by this perfect storm. Each crew that arrived to campsite triumphantly bearing their slab of carrots was dismayed to find that they were not as cunning and original as planned. The growing concern as every single car arrives, and unloads the next allocation of foods: a mass of bulk carrots. Again.

It could be worse! At least it was such a worthy and robust vegetable such as the carrot. Carrots cooked every way. Carrots in every dish. Carrots raw. Carrots as tools, art, culture. Throughout the event there were carrots everywhere. Upon entering college campgrounds (even to visit), one must accept a carrot. Upon leaving, one must take a carrot with them.

Great masterpieces were constructed of carrots. Shields for the Warfield. Helm adornments for tournaments. Songs were written of carrots, singing their praises. They are sung to this day - strike up a chorus of "Ursulans Gather Your Carrots" in the tavern of Rowany festival, and alumni abound will appear and join in.

The most significant carrot of all - the one true carrot - the progenitor, the first and greatest of carrots, as Ursula is to colleges in Lochac. This carrot was not cast off as the others. It was set aside, prized. Some say worshipped. It was preserved in a sealed vessel of strongest spirits - allegedly distilled from the finest (author note: absolutely godawful) carrot wine.

From that day onwards, each new seneschal would partake of a shot of the spirits suspending the One True Carrot. This annual tradition was brought to a halt in AS XLI (2006), when the now-Master Padraig Lowther did consume his ascension tipple. The spirits of the carrot took him on a journey, and did speak to him: "Please No. This is Probably Toxic. You Have to Stop."

Thereafter the one true carrot faded into obscurity, with only the legend living on in our songs and meals - carrots remaining a common part of the Ursulan diet. Under my tenure as seneschal, in AS LI (2016) I began a project to recover it, tracing seneschals back until we could find where it had been passed. This multi year project culminated when it was located and passed to Arthur Fairall, who constructed a fine reliquary in which the One True Carrot currently resides, restored and re-preserved, but sealed so that none may ingest its dubious wisdom.

Anyway yeah Ursulans like carrots and this is why."

Contributions to the conversation from other Lochacian collegians would like it to be noted that there is some bias to this story, including, from Aife ingen Cathail (the seneschal for St Christina at the time):

"Oh, but the Ursulans lie to you, dear fellows. It is not their fault. It is truly damaging to their college for the truth to come out. But alas, I cannot let this go unchallenged. Master Padraig did consume the brew of the One True Carrot. But, it's said, he was too eager. Too bold. He took the carrot whole. And as the one who swallowed it, the mantle of the One True Carrot passed onto him. And now he resides in Innilgard, and the shame has become unbearable for those who miss the keystone of their college. So they will spin yarns about "it was a health hazard" and "no, Paddy didn't swallow a carrot whole, what?" to protect their college's reputation."

Mattijas' response included the following:

"I have no doubt that Paddy was more than willing /and/ able to consume the One True Carrot in its entirety, but alas he did not. I have myself laid eyes upon the One True Carrot in the original vessel. It was not as whole as it perhaps once was, but /was/ in approximately the state that I'd expected a 30 year old amateur-preserved carrot to be in."

The other comment of significance related to the claim early in the story, that the College of St Ursula is the first college of Lochac, which as noted elsewhere is disputed by the College of Blessed Herman the Cripple and the recorded history of the kingdom [1][2].

Origin of the myth

This is the (slightly less embellished) story as it is told by Master Padraig "Paddy" Lowther on the Lochac website here. In the interests of preserving this text in case that page goes down, the story has been repeated here in full.

"Many moons ago, the Ursulans were off to Festival, and decided to car-pool. The food fund folk had pre-bought stuff like the meat, rice, bacon and eggs, and told each car to get 15 bucks worth of vegies. Each car took the same highway to site, and so passed the same discount fruit and veg stand with the sign that read “Carrots: 10c a kilo.” And so it came to pass that a camp of around a dozen people had 30-odd kilos of carrots to their name.

The rule was that no-one left camp unless they had a carrot with them. Need the privy at midnight? take a carrot to munch on the way. Off to war? Tape some to your helm. Bring someone home to your tent from the tavern? Not only do they get breakfast, but they get a carrot or ten to remember you by.

Carrots were strapped to shields, worn through belts as favours, used to barter with merchants, thrown at tourney participants who had not died well, planted in the armour of tourney participants who had died well so that the carrots could go strong in honour; ye gods, they even ate some of the carrots! Tangwystl, who was seneschal then, wore one through her belt the whole event. After copping some hits in war and tourney it was held together with duct-tape; thus it became known as the One True Carrot, by which all other carrots are measured and found to be wanting.

At the end of the event this carrot was embalming in a mix of liquor so foul and dodgy not even engineering students would drink it. This is still in the College Reliquary, and it was tradition to have the incoming do a shot of the embalming fluid so that they might see a spirit vision and Know the Will of the One True Carrot. As Kids Are Now Soft, I believe I am the last to have done this and know the Dark and Carroty Dreams wrought in its vegetative mind as it tumbles in its turgid tank of terrible tipple; it craves the irrigation of the carrot patches by the Blood of the Vile Hermanite."

Embellishments and Rumours

Over the years, various tellings have added embellishments or other unverified elements to this story, some of which are:

• Paddy drank the entire jar, including the carrot
• Drinking the entire contents of the jar put Paddy in a 3 day coma and/or "spiritual journey", wherein he then recieved the Wisdom and Knowledge of the Carrot.
• Paddy now IS the One True Carrot (many Ursulans, and Paddy himself, will back this up)
• It was 50 kilos of carrots. No it was 120kgs. No, 30kgs.
• The University of Sydney discovered the Carrot, and made St Ursula throw it away