The One True Carrot

The One True Carrot

The One True Carrot is a mascot and relic of the College of St Ursula. The legend came into being one Rowany Festival, and since then the story has grown in magnificence, becoming more exaggerated with each retelling. Members of St Ursula show their allegiance to the carrot through eating carrots, wearing special plush carrots through their belt, and other such carrot-related shenanigans.

The College of Blessed Herman the Cripple, the long-time rival of St Ursula, is known to have a banner depicting a goat inpaling a carrot on a spear.

In A.S.56, at Rowany Festival, an Ursulan purchased a Hermanite fencer for the fighter auction tourney, and had them wear a bandolier of carrots held together by fibre tape for the duration of the tournament.

Origin of the myth

This is the story as it is told by Master Padraig Lowther on the Lochac website here. In the interests of preserving this text in case that page goes down, the story has been repeated here in full.

Many moons ago, the Ursulans were off to Festival, and decided to car-pool. The food fund folk had pre-bought stuff like the meat, rice, bacon and eggs, and told each car to get 15 bucks worth of vegies. Each car took the same highway to site, and so passed the same discount fruit and veg stand with the sign that read “Carrots: 10c a kilo.” And so it came to pass that a camp of around a dozen people had 30-odd kilos of carrots to their name.

The rule was that no-one left camp unless they had a carrot with them. Need the privy at midnight? take a carrot to munch on the way. Off to war? Tape some to your helm. Bring someone home to your tent from the tavern? Not only do they get breakfast, but they get a carrot or ten to remember you by.

Carrots were strapped to shields, worn through belts as favours, used to barter with merchants, thrown at tourney participants who had not died well, planted in the armour of tourney participants who had died well so that the carrots could go strong in honour; ye gods, they even ate some of the carrots! Tangwystl, who was seneschal then, wore one through her belt the whole event. After copping some hits in war and tourney it was held together with duct-tape; thus it became known as the One True Carrot, by which all other carrots are measured and found to be wanting.

At the end of the event this carrot was embalming in a mix of liquor so foul and dodgy not even engineering students would drink it. This is still in the College Reliquary, and it was tradition to have the incoming do a shot of the embalming fluid so that they might see a spirit vision and Know the Will of the One True Carrot. As Kids Are Now Soft, I believe I am the last to have done this and know the Dark and Carroty Dreams wrought in its vegetative mind as it tumbles in its turgid tank of terrible tipple; it craves the irrigation of the carrot patches by the Blood of the Vile Hermanite.