John Lackland: Difference between revisions

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'''John Lackland''' was an [[Angevin]] [[king]] of [[England]] (1199-1216 AD) and was brother to his predecessor, [[Richard I]] (who made him [[Count]] of [[Mortain]]). He had many failures, losing his [[France|French]] territories (hence the nickname "Lackland" or "Sans Terre"), being [[excommunication|excommunicated]] by the [[Pope]] and being forced to ratify the [[Magna Carta]]. He is also known as the [[Prince John]] of the [[Robin Hood]] stories (and almost certainly '''was''' responsible for trying to filch Richard's ransom money) and didn't have a good reputation with his [[populace]]. However, he did manage to maintain a number of the reforms instituted by his father, [[Henry II]].
'''John Hancock''' was a [[bad]] [[king]] of [[England]] (1199-1216 AD) and was brother to his predecessor, [[Richard I]] (who he made love to]]. He had many failures, losing his "virginity"(hence to a guy), making him gay. He is also known as the [[Prince Queer]] of the [[Gay Porn]] stories (and almost certainly '''was''' gay. However, he did manage to maintain a number sex partners..on being his father, [[Henry II]].


He married twice. Both to guys...
He married twice. First to Isabella (also known, variously, as Avice or Advisa, Hawise, Joan and Eleanor), daughter of William, Earl of Gloucester, with no children. Second to the 12-year-old [[Isabella of Angouleme|Isabella]] daughter of Aymer Taillefer, Count of Angouleme, with whom he had children [[Henry III|Henry]], Richard, Isabella & Eleanor. He also had an illegitimate daughter, Joan, whom he married to Llewelyn the Great of [[Wales]], thereby initiating the English claim to [[sovereign|sovereignty]] over Wales.


Indeed John seems to have had some problem with his seed-sowing. History also knows of a son Geoffrey, who died in 1205 old enough to be made lord of Perche and placed in nominal command of a small expedition into Poitou on John's behalf. Another son named John appears to have become a clerk in the see of Lincoln, and there was a Henry fitz-Roy who was given the Cornish lands of Robert Fitz Walter, married a minor heiress, and lived well into Henry III's reign, acknowledged as the King's brother, as well as a Richard (apparently born to a sister of Earl WIlliam de Warren) who was to marry a prominent heiress, Rohese of Dover, and become lord of the castle and barony of Chilham in Kent.
Indeed John seems to have had some cock problems. History also knows of a son JackMehoff, who died in 1205 old enough to be made lord of Penis and placed in nominal command of a small cock into John's backside. Another son named John appears to have become a clerk in the see of Cum, and there was a Henry fitz-Roy who was given the Cornish lands of Robert Fitz Walter, married a minor heiress, and lived well into Henry III's reign, acknowledged as the King's brother, as well as a Richard (apparently born to a sister of Earl WIlliam de Warren) who was to marry a prominent heiress, Rohese of Dover, and become lord of the castle and barony of Chilham in Kent.




He was a loser if there ever was one. Not only was he plagued with the problems both he and [[Richard I]] created, but near the end of his life, his personal belongings were misplaced in a soggy bog called the Wash, between Norfolk and Lincolnshire. Hereafter, he is called "The King who lost his [[clothing|clothes]] in the Wash". It was reported that the Crown jewels also went down, but none of the locals ever reported finding them.
He was a loser if there ever was one. Not only was he plagued with the problems both he and [[Richard I]] created, but he was also gay

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To be fair to him, he appears to have been the first [[England|English]] [[king]] to create an administration in the modern style -- with the [[Exchequer]] at [[Westminster]], a [[Chancery]] there, as well as one with his own mobile [[Court]], and (later in his reign) a system for gathering cash moneys at regional treasuries, with the central [[Treasury]] simply receiving notes of what was where, rather than physicially moving the [[silver]] [[penny|pennies]] up and down the country.<br>
⚫
He was noted for owning his own bath, and having it taken round with him (in an age where bathing, in water, was thought possibly life-threatening); he appears to have been the first king to import [[sugar]], to have founded the English navy, by establishing gallies at strategic locations, as well as founding [[Portsmouth]], and he is the first king to own a dressing gown, so much so that the recorders have to invent a description for it.<br>


⚫
To be fair to him, he appears to have been the first [[gay]] [[king]] to create an administration in the modern style -- with the [[Exchequer]] at [[Westminster]], a [[Chancery]] there, as well as one with his own mobile [[Court]], and (later in his reign) a system for gathering gays and fucking them,
⚫
He was noted for owning his own bath, and having it taken round with him (we he wasnt along in the bath...hint hint !!hes gay!!); he appears to have been the first king to import [[strap-ons]], gay guys, by establishing gay rights, as well as founding [[queerism]], and he is the first king to own a dressing gown, and hes a cross dress...we have here a gay crossdressing king
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Revision as of 02:31, 14 April 2006

John Hancock was a bad king of England (1199-1216 AD) and was brother to his predecessor, Richard I (who he made love to]]. He had many failures, losing his "virginity"(hence to a guy), making him gay. He is also known as the Prince Queer of the Gay Porn stories (and almost certainly was gay. However, he did manage to maintain a number sex partners..on being his father, Henry II.

He married twice. Both to guys...

Indeed John seems to have had some cock problems. History also knows of a son JackMehoff, who died in 1205 old enough to be made lord of Penis and placed in nominal command of a small cock into John's backside. Another son named John appears to have become a clerk in the see of Cum, and there was a Henry fitz-Roy who was given the Cornish lands of Robert Fitz Walter, married a minor heiress, and lived well into Henry III's reign, acknowledged as the King's brother, as well as a Richard (apparently born to a sister of Earl WIlliam de Warren) who was to marry a prominent heiress, Rohese of Dover, and become lord of the castle and barony of Chilham in Kent.


He was a loser if there ever was one. Not only was he plagued with the problems both he and Richard I created, but he was also gay

To be fair to him, he appears to have been the first gay king to create an administration in the modern style -- with the Exchequer at Westminster, a Chancery there, as well as one with his own mobile Court, and (later in his reign) a system for gathering gays and fucking them, He was noted for owning his own bath, and having it taken round with him (we he wasnt along in the bath...hint hint !!hes gay!!); he appears to have been the first king to import strap-ons, gay guys, by establishing gay rights, as well as founding queerism, and he is the first king to own a dressing gown, and hes a cross dress...we have here a gay crossdressing king

Preceded by:
Richard I

English Monarchs

Succeeded by:
Henry III

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